Love-Lock Bridge, Paris.

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The love-lock bridge, a symbol of love they say…
Yet, the bridge is crumbling under the weight of all those locks. June this year a part of the bridge even collapsed under the heavy burden of all those locks to keep love alive. Oh the irony… Right??

I’ve been on that bridge many many times, looking at those declarations of love.
And I always wondered, would they still be together? Are they still in love?

I didn’t believe in love.

I saw it all around me but figured it must be fake, it had to be. It were just people pretending or making themselves believe they were in love.

I remembered the last time I was in love, felt the butterflies, the warmth floating through my body when he looked at me… I was 19 or 20.

As I turned into a 30er I figured it must have been something hormonal as a puberty side-effect. I had ‘crushes’ in the past 10 years but they went as quickly as they came, within days and if lucky, within some weeks. I stepped into relationships knowing I didn’t love them, knowing they wouldn’t last, but hoping I might be wrong.

Of course I wasn’t… they were doomed to fail.

My last one was the worst. I disliked this guy from day one. He was everything I did not want in a life partner (I hope you never get to read this, if you do, I’m sorry, it was not your fault but mine). His personality, intellect, life-goals, physical appearance and interests didn’t match what I was looking for at all. I disliked his character, his friends and my friends wondered what the hell I was doing with this guy.

We stayed together for some time, fought constantly, and I felt miserable, never able to be at ease, to be me, and to be accepted as me. I felt I had to fake everything (and with everything I mean EVERYTHING…), me, the person I was wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, funny enough and so on. This had nothing to do with him but with how I saw the world and how I saw love and thus relationships. I knew love wasn’t real, couldn’t be real.

The last time I stood on that love-lock bridge was some time after the bomb between us burst on New Year’s eve 2010/2011. At midnight he wanted to kiss me and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t pretend anymore, I was exhausted. I looked at those locks and felt this intense sadness for all those poor fools thinking that love was real, that they found ‘it’… Those locks symbolised idiocy and naivety to me. Nevertheless, I took photos of them as I always did since they do give pretty shots and walked away.

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I stayed single for almost 3 years after that last disaster. I was so tired of the faking, the lies, and was convinced that I was better off alone anyway. I thought I just wasn’t cut out for relationships, was probably unlovable, maybe even cursed.

At the beginning of 2013, however, I started to feel that intense loneliness again and carefully started dating again. My friends subtly pushed me a bit there, encouraged me to go, it would be good for me to get out they said…

The dates were a failure, horrible and only made me feel even more miserable and lonely. By mid-summer, after going on 4 or 5 dates I felt it was enough. “Fuck this” I thought, “no more dates. Just leave me alone”!

… And then a (Snow)man walked into my life on October 20th 2013… A month later on November the 16th we started dating and now after dating for a while we are still together and happy, madly in love…

Who knew?

Whenever I look into his eyes, those amazing dark mysterious eyes, I can feel the butterflies roaming around in my stomach, and often, out of nowhere, I feel this warm rush of love floating through my body. I didn’t know I had it in me, I didn’t know I could love this deeply.

I feel free, safe and at peace. Everything is effortless with him. I can be me, and me is perfect to him. No more faking, no more feeling uneasy, I am good enough, I am me, just me. He is everything I’ve ever wanted, he is the love of my life.

Yes, it is true what people say; you will know it once you see it, it is real, love is possible, love is real.

I was the fool, the naïve idiot, for not believing in love. That bridge didn’t collapse because of irony, it collapsed to prove how much love there is out here in the world.

But I don’t need to hang a heart/love-lock on that bridge in Paris, it’s our hearts that are already locked, linked with a much stronger lock than I could ever imagine.

Love is our lock, love locked our hearts together and I hope that love will lock our hearts together till our final days.

I love you my Snowman, I love you with all my heart, my dear sweet Nuno.

M.

 

The heart…

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Oh the heart, the heart, my foolish heart,
broken, beaten up and scarred now that we’re apart.
But the heart, the heart, my foolish heart,
it loves you still and longs for a new start.

Oh this love, the love, my love for you,
it burns deep, bright and is powerful too.
But this love, the love, my love for you,
I wonder still is it enough to pull us through?

Oh this life, the life, my precious life,
it’s upside down ever since you withdrew.
But this life, the life, my precious life,
all I know is that it’s empty without you.

Oh a wish, this wish, my deepest wish,
be brave my love and come back to me.
But a wish, this wish, my deepest wish,
it scares me too since I wonder if we are meant to be.

M.

A Love Like Ours

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A love like ours, as fucked up as can be,
soon though I hope it will be, as you promised, just you and me.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would fall,
for a man like you, but my heart you have it all.

It all started out messy and complicated to say,
we never got a fair chance, not till this day.
You promised to clean up this mess so that we,
can be finally together, just you and me.

My snowman where are you and why aren’t you here,
I my arms is where you should be and not over there my dear.
So please my darling, do as you say.
Leave the past the past and come over to me.

I know it is scary as scary as can be,
the future is uncertain but at least you’ll be with me.
I can’t predict what will happen or tell you it’ll work out fine,
but that shouldn’t stop you from being all mine.

I beg you my lover, my heart can’t take much more,
so please make a choice soon to walk in or out of my door.
Your friends think I’m crazy, that I am a psycho nut,
my friends think you’re a socio-path and they hate your gut.

I think it’s safe to say that we’ve hit rock bottom my friend,
we both have some healing to do and a broken heart to mend.
But if we can come together and work things out fine,
the only way to go from here is in an upwards line.

I really hope you’ll do what you say and that you will come through,
because since the day we met my darling my heart has always belonged to you.

I love you Snowman, more than words can describe.

M.

Bounce-back heart…

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It baffles me how easily my heart breaks,
A small gesture, tone of voice is all it takes.
It’s amendable thought and tough like a cookie,
bounces back to being that same old rookie.

I’m a dreamer you see, a romantic at heart,
I do believe in that fresh new start.
So I try and try again, I’ll never stop,
I know you are out there, might even bump into you in a shop.

The traveller.

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Take me with you wherever you go,
through narrow alleys and the streets you roam.

I’ll follow you anywhere I promise my dear,
to nations far away or countries that are near.

I don’t need much in life but just the guarantee,
of a bed to sleep in and your arms tightly wrapped around me.

With you by my side I am protected and safe,
You make me feel desired and encourage me to be brave.

Whatever you do or wish to achieve,
together we can make it, this I truly believe.

I know our future is uncertain and mostly undefined,
but wherever you travel to, please don’t leave me behind.

M.

Video

Love of my life.

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Sometimes you just need a reminder that no matter how tough things will get, Love, when pure and true, should and will always prevail.

“So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side
You’re the love of my life, you know that I will never leave your side”.

“The Gambler”

Slow down, we’ve got time left to be lazy
All the kids have bloomed from babies into flowers in our eyes
We’ve got fifty good years left to spend out in the garden
I don’t care to beg your pardon, we should live until we die

We were barely eighteen when we crossed collective hearts
It was cold, but it got warm when you barely crossed my eye
And then you turned, put out your hand, and you asked me to dance
I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight

I swear when I grow up I won’t just buy you a rose
I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely
For even if the sun stops waking up over the fields
I will not leave, I will not leave ’til it’s our time
So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side

It was the winter of ’86, all the fields had frozen over
So we moved to Arizona to save our only son
And now he’s turned into a man, though he thinks just like his mother
He believes we’re all just lovers, he sees hope in everyone

And even though she moved away, we always get calls from our daughter
She has eyes just like her father’s, they are blue when skies are gray
And just like him she never stops, never takes the day for granted
Works for everything that’s handed to her, never once complains

You think that I nearly lost you when the doctors tried to take you away
Like the night you took my hand beside the fire thirty years ago to this day,
You swore you’d be here ’til we decide that it’s our time
But it’s not time, you never quit in all your life
So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side
You’re the love of my life, you know that I will never leave your side

You come home from work, and you kiss me on the eye
You curse the dog, you say that I should never feed them what is ours
So we move out to the garden, look at everything we’ve grown
And the kids are coming home so I’ll set the table; you can make the fire

Ode to hearts broken…

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Oh, glorious glow that glides over water,
a wrinkle appears where tiny tears touch the surface.

Oh, wonderful crescent moon that watches over wounded souls,
the unbearable moaning of crushed spirits and lost dreams faintly in the distance.

Oh, mysterious willow tree that sadly bows its leaves for those who cannot hear,
the melody and rhythm of a song which a broken heart beats.

Oh, eternal flickering flame please don’t you ever die,
for love’s crooked smile is never ever a lie.

M.

(May all broken hearts find that one true connection)

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