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Now the time has come. Today is the day of days.

I look at you while you hold your breath, slowly let some air slip through your teeth, a hiss.
As your eyes follow my movements your cheeks turn pale.

Suspiciously I gaze back at you. Not knowing what to expect.

We stare, and stare some more. Minutes pass but they feel like hours.

It feels as if my feet are nailed to the ground. Suddenly I become aware of my body, throbbing in my temples, eyes dry, nose blocked, fingernails dug into the flesh of my palms, it hurts.

Then the burning sensation in my eyes. NO! NO! I will not grant you the satisfaction of my tears, I will not show you my pain, my grieve, my loneliness. I want you to leave, just leave.

Then, desperation in his eyes as he tries to puzzle out the expression on my face. I can see the confusion, I can see that he knows it’s different this time.

He knows the time has come. He knows today is the day of days.

08-03-2012

M.

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